What I want...

I want to fuck
To live
To feel spiritually free
To feel the universe
Coursing through me
Understand the truth
That I know so dearly
Of it all
And be free
Free of fear
To share it with people who understand it
Who see it
Who share it

And why am I so afraid?
Knowing I'm better than all this
Even knowing that my fears are irrational
Childlike
Things to get over
To move beyond
Yet I let them define me
I have
And so I am fat
of body and of mind
Unfit
Unwell
Bloated
And unsure.

But being pure is hard
Being moral and good
Is hard
And so many people in this world
Ignorant and unsensitive and stupid
Just get by
Just let their ignorance guide them
While us
Who are so aware and sensitive to the working of things.
The ways of the world
We have to suffer
By being forced to witness

Fuck it all
I'd say I want to die
But I know the futility of that
We are the watchers
The true inheritors of the world
Of the truth.

Erg.
Fuck it.

Newer thoughts

I can see the clock ticking down
Mental bags packing
I will not substitute the affection you should have been giving the entire time
For your gratefulness that I'm still around