Whilst on the subway...

My head was buzzing, so I wrote this on my phone. Transcribing for you now:

I clogged up my life.

blogged about it, 

kissed your face everywhere so you could understand my pain. 

I'm not emo, you fuck. 

I don't even listen to the radio. 

All I do is try to be a good person, 

and i feel I've gotten so far away from all the, 

how would you call them? 

Inviolable elements 

that I hold so dear, 

about being a good person

All the words I spoke...

words of meaning and consequence

that came in times of necessity

and held the keys to the future

Those were your opportunities forward. 

And if you couldn't even see the doorway open right in front of you, 

how could I think or consider to go any further, 

despite my heart. 

No, I am not perfect, 

barely at all, 

and am hard pressed to identify the difference between your acts and mine. 

But what I did was small.

So much smaller than what you did. 

And with so much more innocence. 

I am an understanding person, 

and had it been lesser, 

or with someone else, 

someone who you had not tortured me over

with your feigned innocence 

it might have been far easier to forgive. 

But not only was it a transgression, 

but it was repeated, and large, 

and done not only with malice, 

but with passive aggressive joy. 

And, yes, you may regret it now, 

but that it happened in the first place is quite enough for me. 

You say you love me, 

but you don't care to know me in the way I wish to be known. 

I know I'm not crazy to want that. 

And that is what is on the line here, 

In this moment.